(I realize that we still have nearly an entire month left in this year, but I felt compelled right now to write a quick bulleted list of various things I’ve discovered this year. If another writing bug bites soon, I may take the time at the end of the month to add more and conclude my list, but for now, here we go)
- Compassion is the source of every healthy solution for internal and external conflicts;
Within this healing journey that I’ve been on over the past few years, I’ve often been cruel to myself when I fall back into old, unpleasant ways of thinking, speaking, and being.. When a lapse into old ways occurs, I’ve had a tendency to yell at myself internally- calling myself a fool for knowing better and not always acting like it, or outright punishing myself and thus failing to even learn a lesson from whatever mistake was made. This year I’ve learned that it is self-defeating and self-destructive to punish yourself for being flawed, making mistakes, taking multiple attempts to learn certain lessons, or simply being foolish from time-to-time. Compassion, accountability, a willingness to learn, and an acceptance of the fact that I/you/we are all imperfect, is the source of major growth and healing…. At least for me.
I’m fully aware that at the age of 21 I’m still young and I haven’t fully experienced life and love, but I can say with utmost certainty that I’ve been deeply in love with someone just once in my life so far. It was a few years ago and it was magical and intoxicating, to say the least. Many times, due to my own insecurities back then, it was even toxic (as young love tends to be in many cases), but nonetheless, I felt a deep sense of love and passion for this person. Since then, I’ve never fully let go of certain romantic ideals about how I’d like my life to turn out… I often find myself daydreaming about my ideal partner, the romance between us, the dates, the laughter, meeting his family, him meeting mine, etc… How corny am I? And after discovering the poetry of Jaime Sabines and Pablo Neruda this year, I now know more than ever that I am indeed a hopeless romantic. I love daydreaming at night and somewhat torturing myself with a sense of longing, and I’m okay with this. It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but it’s true.
- I want to be a father… One day;
This isn’t so much of a revelation as it is a more intensified desire. I’ve more-or-less always wanted to be a father. I’ve always known that I want one, or at most, two children. I’ve always taken comfort in idealizing this scenario- a small family, one or two children, my partner and I, a cat named Samson, a simple home, and various other romanticized fantasies that ties into being a “hopeless romantic” as I mentioned above. However, this year my desire to become a father in the future has become less rooted in romantic-comedies and more rooted in a genuine yearning to one day become a man and an influential father for the child that I’ll give everything to.
- In the past, I used mindsets of cynicism and coldness as a defense mechanism;
I wrote about this earlier this year; I’ve realized that the cynical attitude I previously held onto from adolescence was a major toxic force in my life… And I’ve realized that it was completely self-inflicted as opposed to my previous mentality in which I believed that it was the fault of the flawed world around me. I realized this year that as a reaction to the flawed world around me and the inevitable uncertain turns, let-downs, and sadnesses that life sometimes presents, I chose to equip a mindset of cynicism in order to protect myself from having any feelings of hope and positivity being smashed into shards. After realizing that this cynical mindset was within my own control and responsibility, I’ve taken major leaps in order to change the way I think, speak, and behave, in an effort to heal this area of my life that serves no positive purpose for anyone.
- "Good" and "Bad" are a part of the same wholeness and within both exist opportunities for growth, healing, and acquiring wisdom;
Simple as that.
More to come…
“Understand this great Truth: The happiness that comes from the pleasures of the world is but a minute reflection of the infinite bliss that comes from within your own Self.”
— Amma (via awakenedvibrations)
(Source: loveandzombies, via cazham)
“It’s definitely the case that we can practice at any given moment. We can always try a little more to be kind, to be compassionate and be careful about what we do and say and so forth.”
Chökyi Nyima Rinpoche, “Keeping a Good Heart”
“Don’t be afraid to take a close, honest look. No matter how many walls you have run into or how many holes you have fallen into, get up and allow yourself to start anew. Again and again. Each time with more dignity, greater and freer. Do not fight it.
It is your fate to wake up, again and again, in an ever deeper and encompassing way. Leave the past behind you.”
— from ‘Soul on Fire’ by Veit Lindau (via unconditionedconsciousness)
I found this statue of the bodhisattva of compassion, Kuan Yin, at the flea market yesterday and decided to buy it!
I am absolutely taken by Kuan Yin. I can go on for days about the healing that’s occurred in my life due to meditating upon her in her many forms and coming to know her better. Perhaps I’ll go into heavier detail about Kuan Yin in a later blog, but for now, let’s enjoy her image and reflect on compassionate thoughts, words, and actions.
Today I choose to release attachment to desires and desired outcomes.
touches each leaf
never the same